Updated: Oct 4, 2019
Do you think conflict is negative?
As a parent you will encounter conflict all the time. Conflict is hard. Many of us avoid it. I really dislike arguments and shouting but through trial and error- I worked out how to handle anger. Teaching yourself to be calm helps your relationship with your child. They learn that shouting is not effective.
How you respond to anger is important.
Picture the scene- your child walks in from school and yells that he hates school. He drops his backpack on the ground and is angry that you do not have his favorite snack. ( You are trying to regulate yourself and keep calm)
Breathe slowly- it is hard!!
Rule number 1- Do not be defensive ( Do not say- I haven't had time to go to the shops to buy snacks as I work all day). Do not use sarcasm.
Listen to your child and clarify how he feels ( I see you are really upset and school has been tough today).
Acknowledge the problem ( I know you must be hungry and tired )
Empathize ( I can fix your favorite sandwich)
When he has calmed down, talk about the problem. What can your son do next time when he has a bad day?
Understanding and empathizing with your son will lead to a growth in your personal relationship. He will feel he can come to you with problems.
These tools can be used with your husband/ partner or co worker. Starting to shout back will not lead to a resolution. Often words said in anger are hurtful and leads to a further escalation of the situation. Both of you need to step back from the situation, listen and acknowledge the problem. Then discuss about finding solutions.