I had the opportunity to attend a Circle of Security training. I would recommend it for everyone but especially for new parents. The training makes you think about all your relationships- with your children, spouse, family members and work colleagues.
One thing that was discussed was for effective parenting you need to be bigger, stronger, wiser and kind and to take charge when necessary.
BIGGER, STRONGER, WISER AND KIND
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
It means you need to be the adult and make wise decisions for your child. We make decisions for our children every day, starting from the food they eat, the clothes they wear, the amount of screen time, the friends they play with and many other things. Being too strong and inflexible can make you seem mean. Not setting boundaries can make you seem weak. A balance is needed. Always try and be kind to your child - do not humiliate them by calling them names such as "stupid, lazy, or messy". This is not easy and we all get it wrong at times.
The training emphasized that none of us are perfect and we only need to get it right 30% of the time to be 'good enough'. I think back to all the times when I shouted at my kids, was inconsistent and was not in charge. Don't beat yourself up when things go badly. All families have their struggles. All we can do is keep trying.
Take charge when necessary. You are the parent and at times you need to be in charge- even if your child will not like it. Children listen to their parents far more than parents think they do. You are their number one teacher.
I'm here to help you through these challenges- you can always reach out to me for advice.